Over the past few months the WWE has been a
mess.
The loss of Roman Reigns as he battled leukemia
(fortunately in remission)
The ascendance of Becky Lynch to Steve Austin
status (honestly not completely sold).
The panic over ratings leading to the return of
the McMahons to prominence on both shows and the demotion of Paige on Smackdown
Live (yeah, I know the movie). And why the no rematch clause which they, of
course, immediately violate?
The heavily promoted NXT callup fiasco followed
by the unannounced NXT callup of their top talent which left NXT in shambles.
Now we discover that Tommaso Ciampa is out so wither Gargano.
The blurring of lines between the two brands
with the NXT talent floating and the main players in the women’s division
crossing between the two shows. Kevin Owens wasn’t he on…..oh it doesn’t
matter. Oh, and the women’s tag champs are also untethered from any brand.
Vince going around removing fan favorites Becky
and Kofi Kingston from their championship matches only to have Stephanie undo
the Becky ban.
Both Shane and Trips headed to big Wrestlemania
matches. Why? And Wrestlemania is still pretty much a blank slate less than a
month away.
Titles have become nothingburgers. With respect,
R Truth? The Revival? Asuka beats Becky clean and has pretty much vanished.
Neither the US nor Intercontinental titles are on the Fastlane card and it took
me a few minutes to even remember who has the straps.
Oh, and Dean Ambrose is leaving WWE I assume
for the “greener pastures” (according to his wife Renee Young) of AEW unless
this is all a work, but he still winds up in what I believe will be the main
event of Fastlane?
I could go on but I won’t. I will say that I
love the straps on the Usos and Daniel Bryan is probably the best thing in the
WWE right now. That hemp and wood belt is genius. Somoa Joe with a strap is a
move in the right direction. My fear is that everything that I’m enjoying at
the moment will be destroyed by the McMahons.
Compounding all this is Fastlane which needs to
be over with and I guess everything on this card sets up Wrestlemania so let’s
get to it, but first will someone check that Naitch isn’t still lying in a
beaten mess in that arena in Atlanta?
As always here are predictions for match order,
winners (and emerging Wrestlemania stories) and of course the Holy Shit Scores
(patent pending)
PRE-SHOW
New Day (Xavier and Big E) v. Shinsuke Nakamura
and Rusev…Kofi is not on the card so expect some involvement in the Bryan/Owens
match.
Winners: Nakamura/Rusev…The New Day are beyond
titles and the very weak Smackdown tag division could use a team to take on the
Usos possibly at Wrestlemania.
Holy Shit Score 💩💩💩
(out of 5)
Rey Mysterio v. Andrade Cien Almas…that’s right
I’m using the whole name. Give this man the respect (along with Zelina Vega) he
deserves.
Winner: Rey will do the honors here. ACA should
be in the main event picture, he’s that good and these two guys do amazing work
together. I know faces generally win the pre-show matches but in terms of
furthering the stories this makes sense to me.
Holy Shit Score 💩💩💩💩 ½
FASTLANE CARD
Revival v. Black/Richochet v. Gable/Roode
This should be a solid match. All these dudes
can wrestle and it’s exciting to see the NXT guys on the card. In fact, ALL
these men spent time in the Black and Gold which tells you something.
Winners: Gable/Roode…I think they get the title
back with a new more heel attitude. With NXT in flux and Richochet/Black in the
Dusty Tournament (I believe they won their first match) I feel hesitant to put
the belts on them and the Revival have been losing too much to win over these
two teams.
Holy Shit Score 💩💩💩💩 I don’t think R&B are capable of anything less and Gable is no
chopped liver.
Asuka v. Mandy Rose It is a shame what they
have done to one of their best wrestlers and I don’t mean Mandy Rose. Vince has
a thing for the blondes (look at Lacey Evans) but there are better women for
Asuka to be fighting.
Winner: Asuka should retain and maybe this is
the place for Lacey Evans to make the move for a Wrestlemania match,
Holy Shit Score 💩 ½
Shane/Miz v. The Usos This should set up the Shane/Miz breakup and
their battle at Wrestlemania
Winners: The Usos…yeah it’s Cleveland and Miz
is returning as a face. I would not be surprised if Miz’s dad is involved in
some way perhaps turning on his own son. That would totally put over Mike as a
major face in the company.
Holy Shit Score 💩💩
Bayley/Sasha v. Tamina/Jax
Winners: Boss ‘n’ Hug Connection possibly the
worst tag team name in the biz. This should be quick and painless and maybe
their next challengers do a run in (if there is a God it’s The Iconics) possibly
some team from NXT like Baszler’s posse’.
Holy Shit Score 💩
Daniel Bryan v. KO You know Kofi Kingston will
be in the WWE title picture at Wrestlemania but you can’t put Owens in this
interim position. He’s too good.
Winner (if there is one): Daniel Bryan but with
all sorts of shenanigans involved…a Kofi run in or maybe here is the Bray Wyatt
return or all that and a bag of chips.
Holy Shit Score 💩💩💩 ½ This should be match of
the night if it weren’t on the road to Wrestlemania where it serves a different
purpose.
Becky v. Charlotte…This has been the most
confusing story in a long long time. It feels like Vince wakes up every morning
and changes his mind, or maybe it’s the whole will she/won’t she Rousey issue.
Given the stipulation this only goes one way.
Winner: Becky…would not be surprised if Rousey
interferes to get Becky the win. I’m just going to sit back and enjoy.
Holy Shit Score 💩💩💩💩
Shield v. Three Big Guys I’m not sure what the
point of all this is. Just like when Daniel Bryan returned and it took a few
matches before we forgot about the concussions it’s a way to protect Roman and,
if Ambrose is really leaving (I think he is) it’s the farewell match for this
great faction. I can’t believe Reigns would turn on Rollins but then again
Ambrose turned the night of the Roman’s announcement so who knows; or it’s just
an opportunity to see the three fists come together one more time.
Winners: The Shield
Holy Shit Ranking 💩💩💩
Glad this one will be over and done and we can
see how the McMahons drive us nuts for the next month.
Feel free to send comments to masked.scheduler
@gmail.com
