ROYAL RUMBLE 2020 PREDICTIONS AND HOLY SHIT ASSUMPTIONS

Been busy this week but thought I would go through my predictions and Holy Shit (💩) projections for tonight’s Royal Rumble.

I have to say I feel underwhelmed by this card but I have been wrong in the past and the WWE can often over deliver so we’ll see. Anyway…..

SHEAMUS V. CHAD GABLE

I grew up with a friend who had growth issues and it was horrible. We spent hours talking about it so I’m sort of sensitive to all this. I think Chad Gable is a tremendous wrestler but this is Vince McMahon’s WWE. Chad will hold his own but Sheamus will prevail in a 💩1/2 match.

ROMAN V. THE KING

I don’t give a shit 💩 match

ANDRADE CIEN ALMAS V. BABYFACE CARRILLO

This should be one of the better matches of the night and I hope they keep the belt on Andrade and Zelina and let Humberto continue his journey. I think even WWE booking knows that’s the move. This should be at least a 💩💩💩💩 match.

BAYLEY V. THE MARINE

I may be in the minority but I really like heel Bayley and her partner Sasha Banks. You know at some point these two will be adversaries and hopefully give us another classic. I don’t get the Evans face turn. It feels fake. She feels fake. I think they give her the belt. Hope I’m wrong. I’ll go 💩 here.

BECKY V. ASUKA

It’s time for Becky to start a new journey and if there is a God she drops the belt and they give it to the best wrestler they have. Becky doesn’t need the belt and, if I was booking, I would get Asuka and Kairi Sane in a program culminating at Wrestlemania. Trust me it will be unforgettable. Assuming Shayna is coming up and Rousey returns for a bit you have Becky, Charlotte and the two MMA women feuding in various combinations. Sadly, I think Becky retains in a 💩💩1/2 match.

FIEND V. DB

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, a gimmick WWE Champ is bullshit. Bryan’s awesome, Bray’s OK. It will be fine and Kane will get involved so Bray retains by DQ in a 💩💩💩 match. I am not looking forward to the red.

WOMENS RUMBLE

The way they have booked this who the fuck knows. Figure Shayna appears and maybe Rousey and then there’s Charlotte. I assume the winner will go after the RAW belt. The fun will come from the NXT women who are the best but I figure one of the three mentioned above will win.

Should be 💩💩1/2 match.

MENS RUMBLE

Putting Brock #1 was one of the more inspired moves by, I assume Mr. Heyman. There are two possibilities:

By some miracle Brock goes through the entire roster and demands a unification match with the WWE Champ at Wrestlemania. Or…..

Someone eliminates Brock and goes on to win the Rumble. So, who could it be? It can’t be Roman. It better not be Corbin. I see three possibilities.

Randy Orton. He faced Brock once before. Bled a lot in a short match but you know he would put on a solid match at WM.

Drew McIntyre. He’s got the size, the mike skills and can be an excellent face.

Aleister Black. Don’t even know if he is in the Rumble but he would be my pick. You can strap a rocket to this dude and he and Lesnar could be an epic Wrestlemania main event. Watching him eliminate Brock would be a stunner.

Having said all this, I think it’s Drew. There’s a lot of talent here. I’m going 💩💩💩💩1/2’s

I think that’s the card. I’ve been more excited about Rumbles in the past. Dazzle me.

SEINFELD HOLIDAY GIFTS

Of all the shows that I have been associated with at two  networks, the most generous when it came to holiday gifts was Seinfeld. Every year we would anxiously wait for the present to arrive and we were never disappointed. I still have many of them and I thought that today being Festivus (also the day Jerry told my boss Warren Littlefield that he would not be doing another season) I would share those gifts with you. There may be others lying around my house but these are the ones that I could dig up.

The first gift that I could remember is no longer with me. I used it every day through much of my time at NBC and when I moved on to FOX I actually threw it away. It was pretty disgusting. It was a black leather script bag which I used to carry whatever back and forth from the office. I can only imagine what crap I has spilled in it over the years. I gave it a decent burial.

One of the simpler gifts are something I use to this day. I have four Seinfeld cereal bowls.

You only see three here because the fourth is currently holding some hard boiled eggs in the fridge.

Another one of my prize possessions is this silk jacket which I wore quite often but I think it's too fragile now. By the way Seinfeld had a deal with Nike so many of the gifts are Nike branded.

George had a field jacket which he wore in several episodes and this arrived as our holiday surprise

I got a lot of use out of this one

One year Rick Ludwin, who oversaw Seinfeld and sadly passed recently, had his assistant Betty ask me for my shoe size. I had a feeling it had to do with that year's holiday gift. My good friend Vince Manze, our marketing guru, was out of the office that day and, when asked, his assistant did not know his shoe size. A few weeks later these arrived.

A delivery of sneakers arrived in the suite I shared with Rick and Vince. Vince went looking for his shoes only to discover that, because his assistant did not provide a size, he was shut out of that year's holiday gift. It was pretty uncomfortable in the office for several days.

Finally my favorite gift was this Seinfeld baseball jacket.

I don't believe that shows are as generous today, maybe you get a cap. It's more common to give to a charity rather than send something to executives who already have everything they need. Just as well.

TLC - THE CARD SO FAR

There’s just too much wrestling. We have definitely entered the “Peak Wrestling” era and it’s only going to get peakier. I wish I could say that we have an embarrassment of riches….we ,do have an embarrassment though. There’s very little that’s going right and a lot that’s going wrong.

AEW is OK and some sort of WCW/WWE Attitude Era hybrid but, honestly for me it’s not great just better than the WWE main roster shows which is not saying much.

I find myself watching more of the smaller promotions like NWA POWERRR, ROH and MLW (which, full disclosure, I have a connection) and there’s always NJPW. NXT is still fantastic and I’m hoping their moment to shine will not alter the promotion too much.

WWE has completely screwed up the SMACKDOWN transition to FOX. First there was Kofi jobbing to Lesnar, then the shitty draft, then Lesnar moves over to RAW and SMACKDOWN gets this joke called The Fiend, followed by “Saudi Blood Money” and finally the NXT invasion which sort of sells that the black and gold is the superior brand (they are). We are two months into the SMACKDOWN on FOX era and Smackdown has yet to establish an identity and all is in service to PPV’s.

Speaking of PPV’s I wish someone would tell me why I should care at all about TLC this Sunday especially when the WWE doesn’t even promote a card until the last moment. This feels more like just another “wild card rules” episode than a major event. It doesn’t even feel like it will be advancing many stories. For me it’s just an excuse to make a vat of PPV chili so there’s that.

Well here’s the card as we know it for the moment along with predictions (I assume every match has a winner knowing…yeah) and my patented “Holy Shit” 💩 projections.

Aleister Black vs. Buddy Murphy

This could be the match of the night and these two guys could well be the future. Not a fan of how they have built up Black’s character. Sort of silly asking someone to fight him while “hiding in a closet” on a show where everyone fights everyone but hopefully that’s behind him and us and now we can enjoy his talent along with his opponent Mr. Murphy. There is no loser in this battle but I assume Black goes over in a 💩💩💩💩1/2 match. Two guys who will be main-eventing in the future and for years to come. See I’m not all negative.

Viking Raiders Open Challenge

I don’t know why they didn’t save Street Prophets as those guys put on a pretty solid match with the VR’s on RAW this week and, to be honest, I don’t have a fucking clue what other tag teams are on the RAW roster so I’m going with the return of the USO’s or a surprise NXT team like Keith Lee and Dominik Dijakovic….ooooo I like that. Probably be AOP with Seth in the Paul Ellering role. Since this Open Challenge is a new thing for the Raiders I assume they prevail and, If it’s any of the above teams, could be a 💩💩💩 match.

Kabuki Warriors vs. Charlotte Flair & Becky Lynch ( tag team championship TLC match)

I’m so confused. Is the Women’s Tag Team Championship limited to RAW or is it still interpromotional? Regardless this the match that can go in many directions and features three of my favorite wrestlers in Asuka, Kairi Sane and Charlotte. Becky’s OK. This should be a 💩💩💩💩 match and I don’t see what value putting the belts on Charlotte and Becky gets you so I’m going with the Kabukis prevailing with a Charlotte/Becky feud coming out of this.

The New Day (c) vs. The Revival (SmackDown tag team championship)

I don’t care, I really really really don’t care. Love The New Day but I feel like I’ve seen this so many times and The Revival are solid wrestlers but boring and TND don’t need belts….they are transcendent at this point. I’ll go Revival in a 💩💩 match just so I can get on with the next one.

Rusev vs. Bobby Lashley (Tables match)

I guess the only positive that I see in this story is if it’s building up Rusev for a main event run or, at least a mid-card title. This dude has some potential and the WWE has never figured out how to take him to the next level. Catherine is a terrible actress and I will eat my mask if she does not go through the table. Going with Rusev in a 💩1/2 match.

Roman Reigns vs. Baron Corbin (TLC match)

Another feud that has gone on way too long and I have zero interest. There’s heat and then there’s hate and when it comes to King Corbin I’m in the hate zone and I hope this is the end of it but my fear is we’re going on for a while maybe with his crown on the line soon. Whatever, it’s Roman in another 💩1/2 match and the one most likely to not end in a clean finish. There will be dog food.

Bray Wyatt vs. The Miz

OK so is this The Fiend v. The Miz or Bray Wyatt v. The Miz. Is it for the Smackdown Championship or is it for the Miz’s family? I have no idea and this is all leading to something else most likely the return of the new old new Daniel Bryan as some sort of Fiend functionary who will feud with Miz all the way to Wrestlemania. I guess we’ll wait to see if we’re seeing red in a 💩 match with Fiend/Wyatt victorious along with a Bryan run in.

That’s what we know so far. There are still three belts unaccounted for and there’s always a cruiserweight match and it’s only Wednesday so I’ll update Saturday morning although the WWE will be adding to the card on Sunday afternoon I’m sure.