Friday, April 5, 2019


Back in the 1970’s a few of us would religiously go to Madison Square Garden for the monthly WWWF/WWF card. About two thirds of the way through the matches they would announce next month’s card and, surprise surprise, THE FOLLOWING MONTH THAT WOULD BE THE CARD.

It’s Friday before WrestleMania 35 and I honestly don’t know if Vince is finally finished potchkying with the card.

This has been one of the most insane leadups to the biggest wrestling event of the year. Some of it has been awesome (Kofi Kingston). Some of it feels inevitable (Becky) and some of it feels like yesterday’s news (Lesnar/Rollins). Everything else feels like an effort to appease as many on their roster as possible as the WWE starts to feel the heat from AEW as well as the other major competitors (ROH, NJPW).

Other than a few title matches there is little on the card that really excites me although I’m sure there will be several solid matches, but this is exhausting.

Another cloud looming over this event is the move of Smackdown to FOX and the resulting shakeup of the talent. As we slog through this event we may begin to see some signs of what is to come.

There are so many matches on the card (I think 15 and counting) so I will dispense with trying to predict the match order but here are my predictions and “Holy Shit” projections (patent pending) for the show.

I feel terrible for Asuka who is once again wasted here and will probably fall victim to Lacey Evans who will most likely win this thing.
Holy Shit Rating: 💩

This event has meant bubkis so far and with the addition of the SNL dudes this has become a joke. I’m gonna go with Andrade Cien Almas (I will always give him full name respect) if they want this to mean anything.
Holy Shit Rating: 💩 ½

I don’t care about the Cruiserweight title match but it will be a 💩💩💩💩 match.

Revival v. Ryder/Hawkins
This is a bullshit match and what would make it bullshittier is if they give the local boys the belts. I wouldn’t put it past Vince and then the boys drop the titles on Monday (maybe to Black and Ricochet)
Holy Shit Rating: ½ 💩

Usos v. Black/Ricochet v. The Bar v. Rusev/Shinsuke
I’m getting tired of these Triple Threat and Fatal Four matches. It’s more ballet than wrestling. Having said that, these are all excellent workers and I expect the Usos to retain and in the process the NXT callups will be protected with The Bar doing the honors.
Holy Shit Rating: 💩💩💩

Angle v. Corbin
Oy. I assume this match will never happen and if it does it will be less than three minutes with a ½💩 rating. Someone (maybe Cena) prevents Corbin from entering the ring and Angle is given the farewell he deserves and will go out on his back as it should be. This will elevate it to a 💩 ½ match.

Miz v. Shane
This will be wild and we will all await the stunt that will bring Shane closer to death. I’m gonna go Shane so Miz will further disappoint his dad and that storyline continues.
Holy Shit Ranking: 💩💩💩 ½

Banks/Bayley v. Beth/Natty v. The Iconics v. Jax/Tamina
If the Women’s Tag Team Title is to mean anything they will keep the belts on the “Hug and Boss” (ugh) champs. If they put  the belts on any other team it should be The Iconics. Yeah, they are more than a comedy team and one of them can actually wrestle (Peyton Royce).
Holy Shit Rating: 💩 ½

Somoa Joe v. Rey Mysterio
Rey may or may not have an ankle injury which means either his son Dominic takes his place and Joe demolishes him in a ½ 💩 match or they elevate this and replace Rey with a talent worthy of Joe like KO or Cena or Sami Zayn and we’re in 💩💩💩💩 territory. Regardless I think Joe keeps the belt.

Lashly v. Finn (Demon)
Assuming the Undertaker passes on Mania this will be the entrance that could be longer than the match. The Demon cannot lose so we have a new champ.
Holy Shit Rating:
Entrance 💩💩💩💩
Match: 💩 ½

Trips v. Batista
Trips ain’t goin’ nowhere and he needs to avenge Bootista’s destruction of the Nature Boy. It will be violent and quick.
Holy Shit Rating: 💩 ½

AJ v. Orton
This has a simple story attached to it (indie legend v. third generation and WWE born and bred) and these two could put on one helluva match. I’m going with AJ.
Holy Shit Rating: 💩💩💩💩 ½

Roman Reigns v. Drew McIntyre
There is no way Roman comes back from his battle with cancer just to job for the Scottish Psychopath who will eventually be in the title picture…just not right now.
Holy Shit Rating: 💩💩 ½

OK here’s where it gets interesting. The easy predictions would be:

I guarantee you that will not happen. Everything that has led up to these matches, and Vince’s involvement in all this, tells me there will be shenanigans galore. I’m gonna go:

Kofi over the New Daniel Bryan in a 💩💩💩💩💩 match of the night. There’s a rumor going around that Kofi’s contract may be invalid and Vince will use that to take the belt away from Kofi and declare a rematch for the vacated title. This is going to be awesome and I hope there is no turn by the other two New Day members.

Seth over Brock. It’s time and this will eventually lead to Seth v. Roman at either Summer Slam or WrestleMania 36. I’m going
💩💩💩 Holy Shits.

With Seth and Kofi winning I’m predicting that Becky does not get to the top of the hill and the best woman’s wrestler of all time Charlotte Flair walks out as the unified champ pinning Rousey.
Becky will get her match with Charlotte down the road and to end the show they will be joined by Bayley and Sasha reuniting the Four Horsewomen only to be attacked by Ronda, Shayna Bazler and her NXT posse. This will set up the MMA v. pro wrestling battle for Summer Slam. That’s why Ronda has been calling wrestling fake.
Oh, by the way, this is a 💩💩💩💩💩 main event.

But remember gang: CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE