WRESTLEMANIA has become just another episode of RAW or SMACKDOWN. It's nothing special. There's little buildup of anticipation. There's little suspense or real uncertainty and we come out of this right into the Draft or Superstar Shakeup or whatever nonsense The WWE will do to make us feel excited about what has become, for me, a pretty stale product.
Another problem is NXT. No NXT is not the problem but, rather, TAKEOVERS lead into the big PPV's and, as a result, we see the stark contrast between an excellent promotion and the bland parent. Night one of TAKEOVER was outstanding from start to finish. Night two not as much, other than Gargano/Reed, but still it will be more entertaining than what we are about to witness over the weekend.
Finally, and I don't think I'm wrong about this. where are the emerging stars among the men? It's why the only matches that I will watch without distraction are the two Women's championships. In Bianca Belair and Rhea Ripley you see the future and their veteran opponents are at the top of their game. That's not the case with the men. Actually the most exciting thing about this PPV is to see if PEACOCK screws things up.
Just to be different I'm going to combine the two nights (oh yeah that also sucks) and rank the card in terms of how much I don't give a shit about it with 5 being I really really really don't give a shit and I'll give you my best guess as to what may happen.
Here we go
WOMENS TAG TEAM TURMOIL 💩💩💩💩💩
Right now all the peripheral belts feel, well, peripheral and sort of meaningless. If you put a gun to my head I couldn't tell you who holds them. They used to mean something. The SMACKDOWN mens tag team belt isn't even on the card I think. Anyone but Lana and Naomi please....probably Natty and Tamina.
NIA/SHAYNA V. TAG TEAM TURMOIL WINNERS 💩💩💩💩💩
I think they drop the belts. If it's Naomi/Lana I fucking give up
BAD BUNNY/PRIEST V. THESE TWO ASSHOLES 💩💩💩💩💩
I think Damian Priest is going to be a big star so this is paying his dues. I am so sick of the Miz and I only tolerate Morrison because his wife is on the horizon and maybe there's something interesting there. Bunny will pin somebody.
NEW DAY V. AJ/OMOS 💩💩💩💩💩
Monsters like this are problematic and AJ Styles is too good to be handcuffed by this. The tag team situation is a mess and giving the straps to this unlikely duo is not going to help things. The NEW DAY don't need the belts so sadly I think we see a title change.
BRAUN V. SHAYNE 💩💩💩💩💩
Bullshit schoolyard leadup and Shayne will do some dangerous shit. These are two of the great sweaters on the roster so this will be a slippery pig match. I assume Braun wins unless they want to continue the stupid angle but why.
ORTON V. FIEND 💩💩💩💩1/2
This won't be a wrestling match but something boring and bizarre and there will be fire. I don't know if there will even be a winner but if there is it's Fiend/Alexa and then what?
RIDDLE V. SHEAMUS 💩💩💩💩1/2
Perfect example of the minimal buildup. Wasn't Sheamus sort of in the Lashley/Drew storyline and Riddle's stoner persona isn't doing it for me. I assume they will stick with Riddle.
BIG E V. CREWS 💩💩💩💩1/2
Don't get me started. Crews takes the strap.
DREW V. LASHLEY 💩💩💩1/2
Breaking up The Hurt Business? Give me a fucking break. Is this going to be a factor in this match? Drew has been carrying the promotion for a year and doing it without the support of the fans. I would love for him to get the belt back and I think it will happen with some Benjamin/Alexander shenannigans.
SAMI V. KO 💩💩💩1/3
If they cut the crap and wrestle this could be a pleasant surprise and KO will win regardless. He deserves better than this.
ROMAN V. EDGE V. BRYAN 💩💩💩
The Roman/Heyman/Head of the table saga is the one thing that has kept me invested in WWE. I want it to continue. Giving the belt to Edge is a big mistake. I can live with Bryan but I hope Roman holds on to the strap and let Bryan and Edge do a program together. I think that's what's going to happen. Roman Reigns is the best thing going among the men. I think Brock pays a visit here. If Lashley retains it may be there.
SETH V. CESARO 💩💩1/2
Finally two warriors who are going to give us a wrestling match and can deliver the goods. Nothing is on the line but this could steal the show. I think Seth puts Cesaro over for a shot at the UNIVERSAL title.
THERE ARE TWO MATCHES WHERE I GIVE A SHIT
SASHA V. BIANCA
This will be the coronation of Bianca Belair. You never know which Sasha Banks shows up but if she's willing to do the honors and put Bianca over this should be a fantastic match.
ASUKA V. RHEA RIPLEY
This is the match I am most looking forward to. In a perfect world Asuka retains the belt in an epic battle. I have to believe Ripley will prevail. She lost to Charlotte in her first WWE PPV and I don't think they will let her lose two in a row. She's too dominant. This should be match of the weekend.
That's it and where the fuck is BAYLEY???????????
